She’s Necessary

I am at the mercy of my first readers these days.  Waiting to see their opinions on a manuscript I know isn’t finished.  The more time I spend away from the manuscript, the farther away I feel from that version of myself within it.  She was lost and stubborn and

Excerpt: Tattoos and BART

An Excerpt from the book that I have been writing instead of posting on here: You don’t understand what I’m going through!  And you’re just giggling, dismissing it like everybody else. I was standing against the glossy bricks of the 12th Street/ Oakland City Center BART Station.  I had an

Heat Wave

I spent the weekend in my apartment in front of a fan, naked.  The humidity reminded me of Thailand and Ohio.  Both places reminding me of what loneliness can teach you.  Friday is when the heat started.  It was already 80 when I got to work at 9am. I normally

Only two people in the store at a time

I woke up from a nap to a protest out on the street.  they chanted “No Justice, No peace.”  I watched through the window and saw a man capturing it on his phone, down below on the street.  I didn’t recognize the flag they carried.  It was green and yellow. 

Work Life Balance

I woke up at 6:30 this morning.  I was anxious about a staff meeting that I would have to lead.  I was scared of of the professional part of my professional job.  I was afraid of losing myself in the language of management and never finding myself again, liking that

Every Love Affair is the Same

I’ve noticed that when I break up with a person I generally write a piece glorifying aloneness.  Romanticizing solitude and my relationship with the dog or cat I’d get one day soon.  When I broke up with C, I wrote all about the cabin in the middle of nowhere and

Breaking in Hiking Boots

On the afternoon of June 9th I was offered a job.  I would work a normal 9-5 Monday through Friday managing an adolescent residential treatment facility.  A big girl job.  A year ago I was seeking this position out because the rest of my life didn’t feel very stable.  I

The Cat and Me

  M went fishing for the weekend and I am cat sitting.  It scares me how much I miss him and how quickly I can feel lonely.  Once when we were friends and not dating each other but dating other people to keep this feeling of loneliness at bay, I

My Dad is more Punk than I am

The I-5 can be a lonely place. I know this from experience. The cows and road kill don’t give you much solace when your mind is swirling with grief and anger. The occasional white egret flying over the stampeding highway punctuate the lonely drive with hope that something may change.

Open your Blurry Eyes

We decided to go for a walk around 7:45 in the evening.  We had stayed inside all day watching the news and listening to anchors commentate on how police were controlling the crows, comparing cities and judging which cities were doing the best at controlling the violence as though it

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